These Fears We Overcome
by JaySomke
Summary: It was torture and pure bliss all at the same time. Never had anyone brought out this side of her. Never had anyone made her feel so perfectly loved and adored. Never had anyone made her feel so vulnerable and yet so empowered.
1. Beaches & Vasovagal

**A|N: Soooo, I've been one of those 'guest' readers on here for a while now but** **I finally decided to make an actual account and start a bit of writing. This is my first attempt at FanFic. All _constructive _criticism and general feedback are welcome. Please be gentle! LoL! Anyway, this story idea has been rolling around in my head for a while. It's slightly AU and our girls are a bit OOC but hopefully not too much. Now, I will conclude this little spiel and let you all get on with this first chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own'em, just purely using them for my enjoyment so don't like try to sue or whatever. Besides, Uncle Sam's out to get all my money anyway ... #brokecollegestudent**

**ENJOY!**

**CHAPTER I - BEACHES & VASOVAGAL**

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_Their lips crashed in a wave of passion that neither saw coming. It just happened. They both moaned as their bikini clad bodies melded together in the heat of the summer night. Toned legs wrapped around rocking experienced hips that performed a slow teasing grind. Fingers entangled dark locks and held on for leverage as the world began to spin. So intoxicating were those lips that slowly made their way down to the sweet spot right behind the ear. The sensation eliciting another moan as breathing became labored and a doctor's mind started to short circuit._

_"Jane", she spoke in a breathless whisper, "What are you doing to me?"_

_Reluctantly, the taller woman pulled away slightly to look into darkened hazel eyes. A confident smirk tugged at her lips as she husked, "Giving you the passion you've been craving."_

_"Oh God", she panted as all sense of rationale began to escape her once more. The feeling of the ocean around them mixed with the carnal desire pulsating between her thighs was overwhelming. She wanted this so badly. More than she felt ready to admit. What started out as two friends taking a midnight swim had become a dance of lovers exploring for the first time._

_Jane felt the other woman's body react just the way she wanted as her hands cupped her ass to hold her steady as the tide grew higher. She bit her bottom lip while taking in the lustful emotions that played across the honey blonde's face. "Tell me what you want, Maura. Whatever you desire, it's yours now. Just tell me."_

_"I want ... you ... I want you now ... please ... make love to me."_

_The brunette nodded as she carefully carried the shorter woman out of the water and laid her on the blanket they had put out on the private beach. She lightly tugged the strings on Maura's bikini top. "So beautiful", she whispered as she tossed the top to the side and began to kiss her way down the glorious yoga toned body. Stopping just under the naval of her new lover, Jane looked up only for a moment before slowly removing the bikini bottom. She sat back and took in Maura's naked form, "Absolutely stunning."_

_Maura licked her lips as she sat up a little to watch the more experienced woman before her take off her own bikini. "Wow." It was her hushed awe-struck tone that rewarded her the view of dark chocolate orbs turning primal as they stared back at her. The doctor gasped as those intoxicating lips began kissing their way back up her body. She felt herself shudder in delight as Jane's hand massaged one hardened nipple while her tongue began a torturous assault on the other. "Mmmm, yes."_

_Jane took her time in building Maura's desire. She wanted the honey blonde's first time to be perfect and memorable. She wanted to leave a lasting impression as she silently prayed that their first time together would be far from the last time. This is what she wanted for so long. Not just the intimacy of love making, but the soul-tie that would bind them at the height of passion. She wanted— no, **needed** to be more than just a friend. Her heart had already been fully committed to the other woman. To have the sentiment returned in this moment would be a dream come true._

_So the detective took one more moment to look up into those hazel eyes to ask a silent question. The answer received caused her heart skip a beat, "I am **yours**. Take all of me." And she did as her tongue slid past soaked outer folds and she drank in the sweet nectar found in Maura's core. Jane's hands gripped the shorter woman's waist as she plunged in and out then ran her tongue over the most sensitive bundle of nerves._

_The feeling of sheer ecstasy caused Maura to grasp the blanket beneath her and cry out, "Yes! Oh God, yes!" Her hips bucked when she felt one finger slide inside. Then soon there were two. It felt so good that she found herself clawing at Jane's back, trying desperately to hold onto her as she felt herself floating on an unfamiliar high. "Give me more", she panted, "Please baby, I want more." And more is what she got as a third finger was added and a steady rhythm was set._

_It was like the brunette had known exactly how to make her scream because, within moments, that is exactly what Maura did. She screamed to the heavens as she felt Jane's fingers go deeper within her and that talented tongue continued swirling around her swollen clit. It was torture and pure bliss all at the same time. Never had anyone brought out this side of her. Never had anyone made her feel so perfectly loved and adored. Never had anyone made her feel so vulnerable and yet so empowered._

_That's exactly why she released herself completely when she heard Jane's next desire-filled request, "Come for me."_

_And just like that— she came as she finally screamed her lover's name, "**Jaanneee**!"_

_"Mmm, that's it. I've got you. I'm right here", the brunette whispered as she slowed her paced and moved back up Maura's body to hold her as the blonde finished riding out her orgasm._

_"I feel ... I feel like I'm falling."_

_"It's okay", Jane kissed her forehead as she pulled her tighter in her embrace. "I'll always be right here to catch you, Maura... Maura..."_

"MAURA!"

The doctor cleared her throat to buy time before responding. She didn't know how long she had been lost in yet another sexual fantasy featuring her best friend, but it was becoming too often of an occurrence for her liking. Maura let out a deep sigh as she dared to meet the taller woman's eyes, "I'm sorry, Jane, I didn't hear what you asked."

Jane rolled her eyes as she answered sarcastically, "Well duh, Maur! I've been standing here for like ten minutes trying to get your attention. Where the hell did you go in that gigantic brain of yours?"

"No where", she answered way too quickly and defensively causing Jane's brow to furrow. Before the other woman could call her on her flat out lie, and before she started feeling the telling itch of hives, Maura corrected herself more calmly, "Actually, I was having another daydream about the beach. I think I may need to book a vacation." Okay, so it wasn't totally the truth but it was truth enough to keep her symptoms from lying from popping up. And it seemed enough for Jane too as she watched her best friend nod in understanding.

"Yeah, maybe you should. You've been daydreaming about beaches _a lot_ lately. It's like every time I see you your head is in the clouds— well, it's at the beach really. Anyway, I was asking if you wanted to meet me and the guys at the Dirty Robber tonight?"

"Um", Maura quickly looked to her calendar opened on her laptop sitting atop her desk, "I think I can make it. I have an autopsy scheduled in 30 minutes for another team and then I'm free. I can meet you at the Robber around 6PM."

"Perfect" Jane beamed, "Oh, and Tara will be there too."

"Tara? As in your— _girlfriend_?"

"Yes, do you know another Tara?"

Maura shook her head slowly, "No, it's just... actually, I just remembered I can't come tonight. There's this _thing_ I forgot to put on my schedule but it's this evening and I actually need to head out now to go home and get ready."

"What", Jane asked in confusion, "But you _just_ said you have an autopsy and..."

"I will have Dr. Pike come in to handle it." Swiftly, Maura began moving around her office to grab her belongings. "I really need to go."

"Maura, what's wrong? You're being weird— like _way_ past your normal weird."

"I'm completely fine", she responded adamantly as she breezed past Jane and walked towards her door, "I just need to..."

"_Hives!_" Jane's shout made Maura stop in her tracks. "I can't believe my _best friend_ is really lying to me. You can't even face me! What the hell is going on? You were fine before I mentioned Tara and..." Her eyes narrowed on the back of Maura's form, "Why did you just flinch when I said her name?"

"I-I... I d-d-didn't..."

"You're stuttering now? Since when do you stutter?" The detective clapped her hands together as she chuckled, "Oh yeah that's right! I remember now, you _only_ stutter when you lie! What's your problem with my girlfriend, Maura? And, before you try lying again, I advise you tell the truth. You've already broken out in hives and started stuttering. The next step is you passing out and you don't want that, do you?"

Maura let out an exasperated sigh. Truth is, she knew Jane was totally right. She could feel her head getting foggy as it always did before she fainted. It was the first sign of an impending vasovagal syncope. The doctor didn't want that, but she felt she couldn't afford to tell the truth by answering Jane's question either. _It's better for our friendship if I keep my desire for Jane to myself. She's happy with her girlfriend. If I tell her, I could ruin our friendship and maybe even her relationship. Then she will hate me. No— no I can't. I need to..._ Suddenly she took off running for the stairs as fast as her Manolo Blahniks would take her. _Just get to your car and drive away. Please God, let me get to my car and don't let Jane chase me and don't let me pass out!_

Only part of her prayer was answered however. Just as Maura made it to the parking garage and reached her car, she heard Jane running towards her and calling her name. She panicked while trying to pull her keys from her purse and they fell to the floor just as her best friend caught up to her. Maura knew what was coming before Jane even said it but she failed to hear the question as everything faded to black.

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**Shall I continue? Review & let me know.**


	2. Doctors & Disputes

**CHAPTER II - DOCTORS & DISPUTES**

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Maura woke up in a haze but still knew immediately where she was. The tell tale sounds of a heart monitor beeping and the sterile smell surrounding her confirmed before she fully opened her eyes that she was in the hospital. Her head was spinning as she tried to remember what could have caused her to be there. It was right there— the memory, just out of reach. She could almost grasp it but it kept slipping. It was something important though, _right? _Like something about best friends and girlfriends and beaches and being chased and— _"oh God"_.

"Not God, but feeling like a complete savior right now since you're finally up and all those hives are gone."

"Jane?!" She bolted upright in the bed and instantly regretted it. She hissed as the headrush caused her pain.

"Whoa", Jane quickly jumped from the bedside chair to steady her. Wrapping her arm around the doctor's shoulders and guiding her back to lay as she continued, "Maur, you need to take it easy, okay? You don't want to black out again. It was pretty intense the first time." The only response she received was an almost imperceptible nod. Jane's brow quirked when she pulled away and studied her friend, "Can we talk about it now?"

"I...", Maura sighed while slowly shaking her head, "I'm not ready yet."

"Well do you have any idea of when you're going to be ready? I mean that was pretty damn scary Maura. If I hadn't ran after you you would have..."

"I wouldn't have passed out. I would have been fine and at home right now, relaxing and watching a documentary instead of in this hospital feeling increasingly stressed out."

Jane looked at her incredulously, "Excuse me? Are you trying to say that it's _my_fault you passed out?"

"Yes."

"Welp", she took a step back as she rolled her shoulders, trying to keep her growing frustration at bay. "At least _that_ wasn't a lie."

They stared at each other in total silence. The tension in the room so palpable that you could cut it with a knife. Neither knew what to say to the other. It was awkward and things were _never_ awkward between them— at least not in the way that made them both feel so lost. It was like they knew nothing of each other at all.

"I can't do this", Jane was first to break the silence. "I'm, uh, gonna go get a nurse or something to let them know you're up and then I'm gonna head out to..."

"Meet up with _her?"_

The tone in Maura's voice forced Jane to pause midway through pulling on her jacket. She slowly turned to face her friend with a pure look of disdain, "Again, for the third time today, _what _is your problem with my girlfriend? And", she continued hastily, "do not lie to me again. Clearly you have some issue with Tara and— you just did it again."

"Did what?"

"You _flinched_ when I said her name. You did the same thing back at your office before you booked it to your car. What the hell? Why is..."

"Oh good, Dr. Isles, you're awake." Both women looked towards the door to see the middle aged man stride into the room. He seemed to not realize he had just interrupted the beginning stages of an argument as he walked right up to Maura and extended his hand, "I'm Dr. West. How are you feeling? Not too bad I hope. Your vitals have returned to normal and the hives are gone, we pushed some antihistamines into your system to ward them off which is why you've been sleeping for most of the evening. Oh, and I also had our lab run your blood to test for allergies. It seems your _partner _here was right when she told me that you didn't have an actual allergy that caused the hives but I just wanted to be sure. Also, the vasovagal episode didn't cause any damage. Luckily your _partner_ was there to catch you."

_'I'll always be right here to catch you, Maura...'_ She shook her head to get the image of a naked Jane holding her on the beach in the glow of her post orgasmic state. The quick movement again making her feel like her head was going to explode. Dr. West immediately noticed the discomfort on Maura's face and tried to address it, "Are you alright Dr. Isles? Any pain?"

"Just a really bad headache. Did I hit my head?"

The question was really directed towards Jane but the other doctor in the room saw fit to answer instead, "No you didn't. As I was just explaining, your _partner_ ..."

"Why do you keep saying _'partner'_ like that", Jane interrupted on annoyance. Folding her arms across her chest and stepping towards Dr. West defensively. "You've done it _three_ times now and it's getting a little too redundant. It's like you're trying to insinuate something. Care to share, _Doc?"_

"Um", he was instantly intimidated and struggled to find his words, "Uh, well, I was just ... I mean... Miss Riz..."

"_Detective"_, Jane and Maura both corrected at the same time. They glanced at each other and then swiftly turned their attention back to Dr. West. Both women sporting matching raised eyebrows in expectation for an answer to Jane's question. They got none.

"I apologize, Detective Rizzoli, for my use of the word and the way in which I spoke it." He cleared his throat then turned his attention back to Maura, "Dr. Isles, I am going to prescribe ibuprofen for the headache you have and suggest you take a few days off to recuperate. My overall diagnosis is that the hives and vasovagal syncope were due to stress. Given our profession as doctors, I can understand how the onset of your symptoms happened rather quickly. I believe you will be fine with rest— maybe even a vacation in the near future. I'll have the nurse fill the prescription for you in our pharmacy here and then she'll bring that along with your discharge papers. Please, take care."

Before a response could even be given, he had gone right back out the door. Maura wanted to call him back in to explain how it was that she hadn't hit her head but decided to let it go. _It's not like he can give me the details on how Jane rescued me again. Always my hero. Always there to catc..._

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Jane's husky voice broke through her thoughts. "I already texted the guys that I wouldn't make it to the Robber and I called Ta— I canceled my other plans too, just in case you had to stay here tonight."

Maura looked down at her hands in what Jane could almost classify as shame. "You", the blonde sighed, "You canceled your plans with your girlfriend because you thought I might have to stay in the hospital overnight?"

"Yeah", Jane shrugged nonchalantly, "Of course I did. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't keep you company all night when it's partially my fault you're here in the first place? I mean, I don't really understand how it's my fault but I get I played some type of part in it."

"But before the doctor came you took offense to my accusing you."

"That's because I'm still mad that you lied to me so badly that we ended up here. Maura", she took the blonde's hand in her own and gently squeezed, "I don't know what I or my relationship may have done to you, but it's obvious that something's happened. Ever since I started dating again, you've been so— I don't even know how to explain it except for it being _not_ you. It hurts to see you so distracted and so actively trying to avoid me when you know she's going to be around. I mean, look, now I'm scared to even say my own girlfriend's name because of how you've been reacting today. It makes me wonder what else I haven't noticed for the past six months."

"Jane, I...", she stopped at the sound of Jane's phone ringing. She recognized the ringtone immediately as Jane's girlfriend's. Maura removed her hand from Jane's and looked up at the detective, "You better get that."

"No", Jane shook her head as she hit ignore on her phone, "She's not important right now. You and I need to...", again the phone began to ring. Same ringtone. Same person. Same press of the ignore button. "We need to talk about what is bother— Dammit! _What Tara?!"_

Maura fought herself not to flinch upon hearing the way Jane answer the phone. She didn't want to give her friend any more reason to believe she had a problem with the woman that had come and stolen the woman she wanted. If she were being honest with herself, Maura would admit she was extremely jealous of the other woman but that emotion was a foreign concept to her. Jealousy had _never_ been something the doctor understood. She never had reason to feel that sort of emotion. Not with being raised in a wealthy family and experiencing so much of the world's culture at a young age. Not with being made valedictorian in both high school and college. Not with being the youngest and _first_ female Chief Medical Examiner of the Common Wealth of Massachusetts. No, Dr. Maura Isles was never made to feel inferior— _until now._ She felt like she was losing. Not only losing herself to this jealousy, but also losing Jane. It hurt.

"Look, honey, I'm sorry but I explained the situation already... No. No, I'm not going to lea... _I'm_ selfish? Have you heard yourself for the last two minutes?... Yeah, she's fine now but... No she doesn't have to stay but...". Jane pulled the phone away from her ear and placed it on speaker, "Go ahead, you're on speaker."

_**"Hi Maura! It's Tara!"**_

Maura looked to Jane in annoyance. In the six months that Jane had been seeing Tara, Maura had only spoken to her a handful of times and it was always brief. She _hated_ having to play the nice and understanding best friend, yet she _always_ did. This time would be no different she assumed as she prepared to watch her friend walk away yet again to go be with _that woman_.

_**"Maura? Are you there?"**_

"Y-Yes, I'm here."

**_"Hi, sweetness! I heard you had a bad night but everything is all good now. I was just wondering if you could convince our girl to stop being such a worrywart and come home? We already missed our dinner plans for tonight, I really want her here to spend some time together. You understand, right?"_**

Maura tried to ignore the look Jane was giving her. She knew it all too well. It was her silent plea for Maura to lie. _How ironic since lying is what got me here anyway?_ She took an extra moment to collect herself before responding confidently, "Actually, _Tara,_ I'm afraid I can't do that. While I am being discharged from the hospital, the doctor has recommended I not be left alone this evening and Jane is really the only person who I trust in my home to look after me through the night. I need her tonight."

**_"Can't Mrs. Riz..."_**

"As I already stated, Jane is the _only_ person I trust. I promise to send her home tomorrow."

"You heard her, honey, she needs me. Talk to you later, love you, bye!" Jane hung up and proceeded to set her phone to 'do not disturb'. "Thanks for saving me, Maur", she chuckled, "and look, you lied without getting hives. I'm impressed. Those meds they had you on must still be working."

"It isn't the medication", Maura began explaining as she carefully sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I simply did not lie."

"Uh, did I miss the part when the doc said you couldn't be left alone tonight?"

"I never said Dr. West made the recommendation. I too am a doctor and have decided it's the best course of action for myself. This migraine is killing me and I don't trust being home alone tonight. You seemed to have wanted to not go home anyway, so I took the opportunity to help myself and you."

Jane nodded, "Okay— cool then. Sooo, are we going to..."

"No. I already told you, I'm not ready to discuss anything with you. We can deal with whatever issues we have when my head doesn't feel like it's going to explode. Now, can you hand me my shoes please? The nurse should be in soon with my discharge papers and I would like to leave as soon as I sign them."

* * *

The car ride from the hospital to Maura's house was tense and uncomfortably silent. That atmosphere never changed when they stepped into the Beacon Hill home. Now, two hours later, things were still just so— _off._ Jane wanted nothing more than to get Maura to talk and explain why their dynamic had rapidly changed but, every time she broached the subject, Maura was persistent in her efforts to not talk about it. Still, Jane felt she had to keep pressing.

"Maura?"

"Hmm?" The doctor was deeply engrossed in a documentary and barely looked at Jane when she came to sit next to her.

"Listen, I really think..."

"Please, not now."

"Then when?"

"Later."

"You said that 20 minutes ago. It _is_ later."

Maura sighed as she grabbed the remote to pause the documentary then turned in her spot to fully face the detective. "Fine, you want to talk so talk."

"That's not really how this goes", Jane scoffed. "I mean, what the hell happened tonight? I think I deserve some answers."

"Nothing hap..."

"You _really_ wanna chance going back to the hospital?" She stared at Maura intently and watched as her friend swallowed the lump in her throat nervously. "I'm being serious, and I would hope that our friendship means enough to you that you would be honest with me."

"What friendship?"

_"Excuse me?"_

"Let's be real, Jane. You and I haven't had a real friendship since... since..."

"_Tara?_ That's odd, because I could have sworn nothing changed since I started dating her."

_"Everything changed! _She's taking you away from me and making you happy and I _hate_ her for doing exactly what I couldn't do!_"_ Maura clasped her hands over her mouth at her own outburst. She hadn't meant to yell those words. And by the look on Jane's face, she knew the other woman hadn't been expecting it either.

"What— what do you mean she did what you couldn't do?"

"I think you should go."

"No! Uh uhn! I am _not_ going anywhere. You _need_ me tonight, remember? Your words, not mine. So answer my damn question?!"

"I cannot deal with this right now", Maura stood and headed towards the stairs to go to her room.

"Oh here we go, running away _again! _God you're getting so good at that", Jane retorted sarcastically as she followed behind the blonde to her room. "I don't get you anymore, Maura! Seriously, I don't! One minute your warm and caring then the next your ice cold and ready to bail on me! This isn't you at all and I'm just trying to understand what's happened to us?!"

"If I say it's nothing, you say I'm lying. If I tell you what's going on you'll walk away. It's a lose lose so I'd rather just forget it, okay? Can you just accept that I am trying to save us?"

"How when all you're doing is pushing me away? It's like you don't want me to be happy at all!"

"_That_ is not true", Maura paused just as she crossed the threshold into her bedroom and turned to look Jane directly in the eyes, "All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy it's just— never mind." She sighed and went to turn away again but Jane reached for her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I'm not letting you go until you finish what you were about to say. Don't resist me either, or else I'm going full Ma bear hug on you."

She knew Jane was trying to be funny and put her more at ease to tell the truth, but being in her arms was only making the situation worse. Maura could feel herself being mentally transported to one of her fantasies as she inhaled Jane's scent and her lips brushed again her neck. Her chest began to heave as her heart rate accelerated. She wanted to push Jane away and make her body stop reacting like it was but she found herself stuck. Letting out a ragged breath, Maura pressed herself even closer into those strong arms and tilted her head up to peak at Jane's lips. _"I want to kiss you..."_

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**A|N: Thank you for the initial love and support after chapter one****! Your encouragement means a lot. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. There's more to come in the next chapter if your still with me! Lol! **


	3. Kisses & Confessions

**CHAPTER III - KISSES & CONFESSIONS**

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_"I want to kiss you..."_

She felt Jane's body stiffen and knew right away that she had accidentally spoken her thought out loud. Panic gripped her heart as she held her breath waiting for the moment when Jane would pull away and then run.

Slowly, Jane pulled back and looked down into hazel eyes that showed too many emotions for her to pinpoint just one. There was hope and desperation and pain and— _fear._ She knew in that moment exactly what was happening and it floored her. Not the part of Maura suddenly wanting to kiss her, but the part that hadn't been spoken. The part where Jane was in this same predicament 6 months ago when she had told Maura how she felt about her and the blonde had told her her feelings were one sided. Ultimately, Maura's rejection is what had caused Jane to start dating Tara in the first place. Now, months later with a girlfriend whom she loved enough to ask her to move-in with her, Jane was faced with the old dilemma that was her intense desire to have Maura. In her mind, she knew the right thing to do was to just walk away. It wouldn't be fair to Tara if she let anything happen. But, in her heart, all she ever wanted is what Maura had confessed she wanted now. _It's just a kiss, Rizzoli. You can do it and get it out of your system. It never has to turn into anything else, right?_

"Jane, I'm sor... Mmmmm".

Fireworks.

Magic.

Passion.

Adrenaline.

Lust.

Hunger.

Want.

Desire.

_Love!_

Everything surged forth when Jane's lips collided with hers. Her walls shattered and her heart swelled as dreams crossed over into the realm of reality. It was perfection. Felt better than anything her subconscious mind could ever conjure up. Maura was in heaven. Beyond cloud nine. Way past over the moon. _Yes, this must be what heaven feels like._ She couldn't stop the moan that escaped her lips as Jane's arms tightened around her waist and her tongue slid into her mouth, deepening the kiss. She didn't fight for dominance, but rather let Jane take the lead. It was her move and Maura was okay with whatever she wanted to do next— at least that's what she thought until Jane pulled away and her eyes spoke volumes before the words came out.

"This was a mistake."

Crushed.

Hurt.

Lost.

Rejected.

Dismissed.

Broken.

Humiliated.

Confused.

_Abandoned!_

Everything surged forth as Jane turned to flee. "No wait! Jane please", she called out while chasing after her down the steps. "Please, don't leave. Just..."

"Just what, Maura?!" Jane turned in a huff as she reached the front door.

"Can we talk about..."

"What? Me basically cheating on my girlfriend? You suddenly wanting me? _Newsflash! _I told you before that I wanted you and you said there was no way. That you were sure you were straight and only loved me as a friend. Now all of a sudden..."

"I was wrong! I was so _unbelievably_ wrong. My feelings changed."

"Yeah", Jane shook her head, "They changed right after Tara came along. I get it know. You've been acting weird all this time because you were jealous." She sighed in defeat, "You know what the sad part is, Maur? I realize now that you were lying to me back then too and that's what hurts the most because we could have really had something special if you had just been honest with me. But we can't now. I'm with Tara. I _love_ Tara! And kissing you— kissing you felt so right and, you know what, forget it. This was a mistake and it will _never_ happen again."

* * *

She slammed the door as she entered their apartment, causing her girlfriend to jump in fear. The shorter blonde clutched her chest as she took in Jane's appearance, "Sweetie you scared me. What are you doing here? I thought you were staying at Mau..."

"Tara, we need to talk."

"O-okay." She nervously walked from the kitchen to the living room and took a seat on the couch. Her hazel eyes never leaving Jane's deep brown ones. "Sweetie, what's going on?"

Jane rubbed the scar on her left hand with her right palm as she paced back and forth. Her thoughts were all so jumbled but she had to do this. She had to be honest. "I did something."

"S-something like what?"

"It all happened kind of fast and the moment was just...", she stopped her pacing and came to kneel in front of her girlfriend. Her eyes pleading for understanding, "Tara, I kissed her. I kissed Maura. And I am so _incredibly _sorry. It was a mistake and I told Maura it would never happen again. I mean that. I really..."

"Did you sleep with her", Tara asked in a strangled whisper as tears began streaming down her face.

"No. No, honey, I swear it was just a kiss. We never took it any further."

"But you wanted to, right? It crossed your mind and that's why you came running home because you felt guilty?"

"Honey, I promise you it didn't mean anything..."

"It means _everything_, Jane! It's exactly what I have been afraid of since we got together. You think I don't know that you have feelings for her? That you have _always_ had feelings for her? I see the way you look at her. You have _never_ looked at me that way!"

"But I love you..."

"Yeah, but you're _in love_ with her! I'm not stupid, Jane. It didn't take me long to see the resemblance between Maura and I. I'm as close to her as you could get when it comes to looks. Hell, we could almost be twins. You have never seen me completely and I decided to live with that if it meant that maybe one day you could, because I love you that much. I fooled myself into believing that you'd get over her because she wasn't into you. But I saw her too. I saw how much she hid what she felt. How much she worked to keep herself away just to give us a fighting chance. Now what? Let me guess, she told you the truth finally? And you swooped right in and kissed her. Forget about me and our plans to get..."

"No, I didn't forget", Jane interrupted with desperation seeping into each word, "I remembered and that's why I stopped. That's why I came home. It was a mistake. I only want you."

Tara scoffed, "It will _never_ be only me though! She will always be around which means she will always have that piece of your heart that you cant seem to give to me. Maura keeps coming between us and whenever your feelings for her get to be too much you run back to me because you know at least I will reciprocate those feelings when she won't. I refuse to be some conciliation prize anymore."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I am telling you to make a choice. Either you give me all of you and let her go, or I walk away and we are done."

"You want me to choose between you and my _best friend?"_

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Jane. I want you to stop being in love with her and start truly being in love with me, not just the idea of me. I've been very vocal before about never wanting to come between you and your friends. I meant that, but Maura is way more than a friend to you and I am so tired of having to compete with her. We cannot move forward with her in your life. So, if you want me, then you need to get rid of her. The choice is yours."

* * *

It had been two days since the kiss and Maura still hadn't heard from Jane. Instead of enjoying a fun and relaxing weekend shopping in the gorgeous weather, she had spent all of it crying and barely left her bed. Everything had turned out exactly like she thought it would. The pain was becoming unbearable again as she started thinking about how they would manage being around at work. If things had been awkward before, they would most definitely be awkward now. She wondered if Jane had told her girlfriend the truth and had been the cause of her best friend losing the woman she loved. _Can I even still call her my best friend?_ _Probably not. What kind of best friend encourages cheating? Granted, Jane kissed me first but I'm the one that opened the door for it to happen. This is my fault. _

Maura didn't want to cause anymore problems. She couldn't stand being the cause of so much confusion and hurt. That's why she was sitting in her study now, just finishing up an email and sending it off then going to look up flights. She needed to get out of Boston and go someplace to clear her head. To get over her feelings and start fresh once more. _This is the only way to..._

Her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone buzzing across the desk. She felt her heart skip a beat when she saw the name and face on her screen. Was there really hope to salvage whatever was left of their friendship? Maura had to know.

"Jane?"

**_"Where are you?"_**

"I'm home, why?"

**_"Stay there— I'm on my way."_**

Before she could respond, Jane had ended the call. Maura tried keep herself calm but failed when she stood from her desk and walked into the hallway. Passing the mirror, she got a glimpse at her appearance, "Oh God, I look a mess! Jane can't see me like...". Too late, she already heard the spare key turning the lock at the front door. Before she could even process how to stall and get a moment to at least wash the tear stains from her face the door swung open and Jane came barreling in with a purpose.

"What the..." The detective paused when she took in Maura's disheveled and startled appearance. Beyond the tear tracks still visible on her face, the doctor was wearing an oversized Red Sox shirt that Jane recognized as her own and a pair of baggy sweatpants. She was bare foot and her hair fell flat on her shoulders with not bounce or curl or volume at all. Jane realized the bags under her dark rimmed eyes and the way her usually glowing porcelain skin now looked dull. Her heart sank. Her initial intention of coming to Maura's was to yell at her, but now all she wanted to do was hold her. "Maura", she spoke in a cautious voice this time, her tone much lower than when she had come marching in a moment ago, "What's going on?"

"I'm fine— that's actually not true. Sorry, I don't know why I keep lying to you." Maura shook her head as she looked down at the floor, "And I apologize for my appearance. I know I look a mess."

Jane chuckled, "I wouldn't say a mess. Maybe heartbroken and confused, but you could never be a mess. Your beauty knows no bounds."

There eyes met in that moment of truth. Each woman silently imploring the other to fix what had been broken, but neither knowing exactly how to start.

"On the phone, you sounded like you had something rather urgent to tell me?"

Jane nodded, "I did. Well, not something to tell but something to ask."

"Okay, ask me anything."

"Did you send an email to the lieutenant that you'd be taking a sabbatical?"

"Yes."

"Why? Is it because of what happened the other night?"

"Not entirely. It's more because of me and my feelings. I ruined our friendship with my lies and I probably made things even worse by telling the truth. You were happy, I was jealous. If I had kept my thought to myself, you wouldn't have kissed me and I wouldn't have possibly caused trouble in your relationship. So, I'm taking a sabbatical. I was just looking into flights to possibly go to Aruba or Maldives. Somewhere that I can get refocused and work through all these emotions without causing anymore problems for anyone."

"How— how long are you planning on being away?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. It is quite possible that I will leave my position all together if..."

"Wait, what?! No! _No._ You can't quit Maura! Take a vacation? Yes. But quit? Hell no! BPD needs you. The team needs you. Fuck, _I need you!_"

"I beg to differ."

"Beg all you want", Jane shrugged, "But it doesn't change the truth. You are needed here and loved here."

"Not loved in the way I want though. I missed that chance and now I have to deal with the consequences."

"And what are the consequences", she asked incredulously, "Going off to some island to be alone forever? That's bullshit! And that's _not_ what you need!"

Maura raised her hands in surrender, "Then what do I need, Jane!? Because I can't seem to figure it out! I'm not used to this! I don't know how to process these feelings! Everything is just so messed up and so flipped upside down. I feel like I'm falling off the edge of a cliff and the _one_ person who I know can catch me is..."

"Right here", Jane cut her off adamantly. "I am _right here_. I'll _always_ be right here to catch you, Maura."

Once Maura heard the words spoken in real life, she couldn't hold back. Tears sprang from her eyes as she let out a choked sob. Without a second thought, Jane wrapped her arms around the weeping doctor and kissed the top of her head between whispering words of comfort. They held each other close as intense waves of emotion washed over them repeatedly.

It seemed like they had been wrapped up in each other for hours when they finally pulled apart even though it hadn't been more than thirty minutes. Either way, neither woman cared as they stared into each other's eyes while the silence enveloped them once more. They basked in it. Relished in the hope it brought that their next words would be the perfect expression of what their hearts wanted to speak.

Jane's eyes flicked down to Maura's lips for a split second then returned to meet her gaze. "I have to be honest", she husked in a deep verbrato that sent a tingle down Maura's spine, "I wanna kiss you again."

Maura's eyes fluttered closed at the admission as she softly whispered, "I want you to kiss me again too. But you said..."

"I know I said it could never happen again,but— but the truth it is, I have been dreaming about that kiss since I left here. I have been thinking about you nonstop but I didn't know how to come to you after I abandoned you the other night."

"What about Tara?"

"I told her the truth about kissing you and she gave me an ultimatum. What I have with her could never compare to what I have with you and we aren't even together."

"Imagine the possibilities."

"Trust me, I have been. And what I've seen, well, it makes me want the real thing even more." The brunette placed her hands on either side of Maura's face as she inched forward and started to close the distance between them. Theirs lips met in a soft slow, tantalizing kiss that made them both moan. Every cliché about the stars aligning and the heavens opening up ran through their minds. If it was possible, this second kiss was proving to be more perfect than the first. So they kept kissing until the pressing need for oxygen forced them to ease back slightly. Maura sporting a goofy grin while Jane showed off her sexy smirk and confessed, "That's why I chose you."

* * *

**A|N: So, your reviews make me oh so happy! Thankies for the support! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! **

**This could be the end, but where's the angsty romantic fun in that? Lol! **

**There's so much more to this story— that is if you all want it?**


	4. Choices & Mothers

**CHAPTER IV - CHOICES & MOTHERS**

* * *

They had kissed once more after Jane's confession before Maura reluctantly pulled away and stepped back to put some space between them, "I love that you chose me but...

"But?"

"_But_, I have spent the last two days wallowing. Since we seem to have turned over a new leaf, there is no need for me to look like— _this _anymore", she chuckled as she pointed to her 'ensemble'. "Therefore, I need to go shower and change."

"Good idea", Jane wiggled her eyebrows, "Let me join you."

"Uh uhn! Nope! You stay down here. If you come upstairs you will distract me."

"Duh Maur, that's the point", she partially joked as she sauntered back into the doctor's personal space with a smug smile, "Distractions can be good sometimes."

"They can, but not when we still have things to discuss. Now, go grab one of your beers out of the refrigerator and relax for a little while."

"When did you buy my beer? The last time I drank here I finished off the six pack."

"Oh, I bought it last Tuesday for when you were supposed to come over after work on Thursday."

"But we didn't have plans last Thursday."

"Actually, yes, we did. You said on Tuesday that you wanted to come watch the Patriots play over here since Tara complained about football every time you turned it on. But when Thursday came, you text me right before you left BPD to say you were going to an impromptu dinner date to meet Tara's older brother and to wish you luck. That was that and thus the beers have just been sitting in my refrigerator ever since. I thought you'd be here last Sunday but, as I recall, you and Tara went to that show downtown. Anyway, I knew eventually you would get around to coming over and drinking them."

"I am a complete asshole, Maur. I'm sorry. Can't believe I forgot about our plans and bailed on you."

"Jane, _really_ it's alright. It wasn't the first time something like that happened so I wasn't upset."

"I was a bad friend..."

"And I was worse, which is why we have to discuss a few things _after _I get showered and dressed." She stood on her tiptoes to peck Jane's lips, "Just wait here and relax, I promise I won't be long."

* * *

Jane had checked her watch for the 3rd time, "_Later that same day."_ She was still waiting on Maura to return downstairs after an hour and a half. The time alone was starting to annoy her. All she really wanted was to go back to kissing Maura and holding her _and maybe even..._

"I feel so much better now!" Maura cut through the detective's thoughts as she bounded down the stairs fresh faced and looking way more like her usual self.

"_Finally_", Jane exclaimed while jumping up from the couch and meeting her at the bottom of the steps. She effortlessly picked Maura up by her waist and started kissing her.

The motion startled the blonde slightly but she recovered quickly. Her legs wrapping around Jane's tall slender frame as her fingers wove through dark tresses. They were supposed to be having a conversation about moving forward and addressing all of their feelings— at least that was what Maura told herself while she was getting dressed, but Jane's idea seemed to be better for her at the moment. Those intoxicating lips were something she didn't want to let go of. Nor was the feeling of Jane's body pressed so tightly to hers as her back hit the wall. She gasped then moaned when she felt the detective grind into her center.

"Jane", she panted between kisses, "Take me to..."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! What are you girls doing?!"

"Shit!" Jane quickly, but gently, let Maura down then backed up to turn to the unwanted intruder, "Ma! What the hell are you doing here?"

"_Jane Clementine Rizzoli_, you watch your language when you speak to me— _and your tone!"_ Angela huffed as she ran her hand over her face, "What did I just walk into? You looked like you were about to..."

"Have sex? Yes, yes Ma, that was the plan until you came barging in. Which leads me back to my question, what are you doing here?"

"It's Sunday", Angela shrugged like that was explanation enough.

Jane rolled her eyes, "So?"

"So this is my fault", Maura decided to chime in as she stepped from behind Jane. The initial shock of Angela walking in on them had caused her to blush an almost crimson red with embarrassment and hide. Now the shock had worn off and she felt she at least needed to explain the situation to both Rizzoli women before they really started arguing. "Angela called while I was getting dressed to confirm if we would still be having Sunday dinner tonight and I told her it was fine. I had every intention of mentioning it when I came back downstairs but we got distracted. Honestly, I wasn't expecting your mother to get here so soon since she said she was at the market when she called. Had I known you would have been on your way so quickly Angela, I wouldn't have..."

"What? Jumped my daughter?"

"Whoa, Ma! What the hell?!"

Angela brushed passed her daughter, eyes narrowing on Maura's stunned face, "Of all the people in the world that could stoop so low at wanting to be the side dish, I never expected it to be you, _Dr. Isles."_

"Ma, you need to..."

"No, Janie", she cut in while her eyes stayed fixed on Maura, "I will not back off! Jane is finally in a good and healthy relationship with Tara and I refuse to allow my child to be seduced and be reduced to a cheat. I'll be damned if she turns out like her father!"

"Angela, you have it all wrong. Jane and I..."

"Oh I _know_ what's happening here and I'm not wrong! The only thing I've been wrong about is you. Never pegged you for some homewrecking tramp..."

_"Enough!" _Jane had yelled so loud that both Angela and Maura jumped. She came to stand by the doctor and wrapped her arm around the shorter woman's waist. Pulling her close in a protective manner as she addressed her mother, "You need to leave, _like now_, before you say something else that you know absolutely nothing about. For the record, Maura didn't wreck anyone's home, got it? I broke up with Tara so Maura and I could finally have our chance. You may not like the sudden change", she shrugged nonchalantly, "But I don't care. I'm _in love_ with Maura. I have been for years and now she's finally reciprocating those feelings. I'm not missing this chance. I'm not letting _anyone_ get in the way of our happiness— not even you, Ma. So if you can't respect us and what we have, then you need to just go. I won't let you disrespect her again."

"You— you broke up with Tara?"

"I did", Jane nodded then looked at her mother intently as she made her point, "She told me to choose between her and Maura. It's clear who I chose. Don't be like her, Ma. I love you and I am grateful for everything you did for me growing up, but I am a grown woman now who knows exactly what _and who_ she wants. I will not lose any sleep if I have to choose Maura again, got it?"

Angela scoffed, "You would choose a woman over your own mother?"

"If that woman is Maura, hell yeah, I would without even a second thought."

"And what about you", Angela nodded titled her head to Maura as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively, "You really have feelings for my Janie? You're not stringing her along?"

Maura looked up at Jane with a huge smile as she answered, "I'm head over heels for her. Like going off the edge of a cliff, I've been falling and she caught me."

"I guess— I guess I owe you girls an apology then", the Rizzoli matriarch smiled nervously, "Especially you, Maura. It's just, I walked in here and saw the way you to were— well, you know. I just wasn't expecting to see it and I didn't know Janie had ended things with Tara. The whole scene just reminded me of when I caught my ex-husband the first time. I may have snapped a little bit. You know I love you Maura, right?"

The doctor walked to the older woman and hugged her, "I do know and you know I love you too. I understand your words came from a broken place..."

"Yeah, but maybe next time, you take a breath first and really think about who you're talking about and what the history is between us before you go flying off the handle", Jane added as she joined in on the hug too.

"So am I forgiven then?"

Maura chuckled, "All is forgiven."

"_If_ you make lasagna for dinner!" Jane's brow quirked as she stepped back and looked at her mother with amusement.

"Deal! You girls relax and I'll start cooking. Frankie, Frost, and Korsak are coming in about 2 hours. Oh, and I think Tommy might make it too. Hopefully he doesn't come with _another_ bimbo!"

Angela began making her way to the kitchen now ranting about the last guest her younger child had brought to Sunday dinner while Jane and Maura took a seat on the couch and tuned her out.

"So, do we tell her that you kinda did put the moves on me _before_ I broke up with Tara and technically I did cheat", Jane joked in a whisper as she pulled Maura closer to her.

"That is _not_ funny", Maura admonished, "And we still need to _talk._"

* * *

**A|N: I know this was short. It's basically filler before the next chapter that my muse wouldn't let me throw away.**

**Coming up next — THE TALK.**

**I just believe our girls need to have a real conversation and get to the heart of the matter as to where they want this relationship to go. You know expectations, hopes, fears ... that kind of thing. Plus, the dynamic of work now that they are— together?**


	5. Truth & Lies

**A|N: Hello hello lovies! So, here's the scoop on why it's taken me so long to post this update:**

**1\. Family death that required me flying back to my native home so I was mostly with my family for a week and celebrating the amazing life of my great-grandmother.**

**2\. My muse and I were at odds on how to go about doing this chapter. Needless to say, I ended up writing two versions that _both_ ended up being almost 10K words. Finally, I decided on the version you are about to read shortly.**

**3\. Because this chapter ended up being almost 10K words, I had to figure out where in my editing that I would split it. I've now done that so, just know, there is more coming probably late tonight or tomorrow once I finish editing the rest.**

**SIDEBAR— this chapter is _very _dialogue heavy. I like it though. ****NOW, enough of me, let's get to it! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER V - TRUTH & LIES**

* * *

_"And we still need to talk."_

With Angela preparing dinner in Maura's kitchen, Jane led the doctor down the hall and into the guest-room so they could talk in private. She knew the doctor had a lot to say so she encouraged her to start as soon as she shut the door. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"Well", Maura began while taking a seat on the edge of the bed, "First, I need to apologize for making things so awkward between us for the last 6 months."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there", Jane interjected as she came to sit next to the blonde, "Let this be the last apology that either of us make about that funky awkwardness, alright? I'm just as guilty. I never made it easy and, looking back on how things played out, I could have been way more sensitive whenever I questioned how you were feeling instead of being an asshole and demanding answers. Had I taken a minute just to pay attention, I would have figured out the issue months ago. Hell, I probably would have called your bluff when you rejected me."

"That's the other thing I want to apologize for", Maura sighed then took one of Jane's hands into her own and began idly massaging the scar there as she continued, "When you came to tell me about how you felt the first time it sort of threw me for a loop, I suppose. Honestly, I never anticipated that that would be what you wanted to talk to me about and I did _not _handle it well. I was so scared."

"Scared of what exactly?"

She shrugged, "I thought it was extremely plausible that you were just saying you wanted me because I had been the only one there after Leslie broke up with you. That possibly, by my constant need to be the one to take care of you, I accidentally led you on. But then right after I rejected you, Tara came along and you two fell for each other so fast. Standing on the outside looking in, I realized that I had made a mistake in telling you that your feelings were one sided. And I realized that your feelings for me weren't misguided at all. That they were real and my rejection pushed you into another woman's arms. You weren't initially with Tara because you genuinely wanted her. You were with her because she easily provided what I was too insecure to give. I started hating myself for that. Then, eventually, I started hating Tara and being jealous because she had everything I wanted. The worse part is, I didn't start hating her until I realized you had truly begun falling for _her_ and you were getting over me. I should ha..."

"Um, back up", Jane scoffed as she pulled her hand away from Maura's in move that showed her offense, "What do you mean I wasn't with her because I genuinely liked her at first?"

"We're being honest right", Maura asked cautiously. She received no response, just Jane's penetrative stare piercing through her. After another moment of uncomfortable silence, Maura decided to just soldier on with the truth. "Jane, let's be real, she was just a means to fulfill a need in the beginning. You really wanted me and I made it so you couldn't have me. Then Tara comes along looking just like me and she gives you attention while I pull away. She quenches a thirst and satisfies a hunger because she's as close to having me as you could get. Between the look, the style, both working in some form of medicine, both with the proclivity to..."

"Point made already, Maura." The brunette huffed as she shook her head, "Tara basically said the same shit to me the night we broke up. Am I really that much of an asshole?"

"_Language. _And no, you're not. Honestly, her showing up how she did was purely a coincidence that neither of us could have avoided. In the end, both of our separate experiences and feelings concerning Tara are what pushed us to this point. I suppose, in a way, she was a necessity. For me, she inadvertently forced me to accept what I already knew was true and to finally be honest. For you, she allowed you a glimpse of what you craved and ultimately gave you the choice to continue having a knockoff version of your dreams or going after it all and having the real thing."

Jane chuckled, "Now you're _way_ passed the point of being confident. You are down right conceded right now!"

"I am not! I am simply stating the facts and you know that I'm right on this."

"So what if you are, Maur", she snorted, "You're not supposed to point it all out so bluntly."

"Would you have rathered that I continued to keep the truth to myself even though you have clearly had all these thoughts at some point or another as well?"

"No, no you're right. It needed to be said and the whole point of this talk is to air everything out. So, backtracking real quick, you mentioned being jealous because she had everything you wanted. What exactly is it that you wanted?"

"It's not a matter anymore of past wants but rather what I _still _want presently. My desire is to love and be loved by the one person my heart beats for. The person that always makes me smile, and dries my tears when I cry. The one who knows me and cares for me flaws and all— without judgement. Without conditions. To explain it simply, I want you. I want a life and a future with you, Jane. I want us to be that couple that _everyone_ at BPD has thought we were for years", she laughed as Jane did as well.

"Did you ever hear the rumors that got spread after Tara's first visit to the precinct? Most of homocide started calling me a player with a '_definite type'_", Jane chuckled but then got serious, "If only they knew that I could have _never_ done something like that to you. I love you way too much to ever lie to you or cheat on you. You know that, right?"

"Yes", Maura nodded, "I know, despite the circumstance of your 'cheating' on Tara by kissing me. I blame myself for that as well. Part of me does feel a little like a homewrecker. I mean, I could have went about all of this in a different and less emotionally damaging way."

"Hey, don't feed into Ma's nonsense okay? You are not a homewrecker. Trust me, I've had time to think about this and it's exactly like you just said. She gave me a choice to stay where I was or to go after the real thing. When Tara gave me that ultimatum there was no question of where I wanted to be. In fact, the only thing I questioned was her seriousness in asking me to choose. Once she confirmed that she wanted you out of my life, I told her we were over. I'd rather lose her than lose you."

"But you _love_ her— and before you dispute me on that", Maura added hastily when she saw Jane about to protest, "I am very clear that it will take time for you to get over her. I know your feelings for her are just as real as the feelings you have for me. With that being said, I am fine with waiting to move forward with us while you take whatever time you need to..."

"Maur, I don't need time", Jane stated simply as she pulled the doctor into her side. "I just need you. Yes, I _loved_ her but that love diminished pretty quickly when she told me to get rid of you. Even if I wasn't in love with you, I would never let any woman tell me that you can't be in my life." She kissed Maura's temple to relay the seriousness of the tender statement before adding, "Besides, me without you is like pizza without anchovies— it just isn't right."

They both burst into a fit of laughter in that moment. Maura's eyes sparkled as she tried to compose herself enough to speak, "Um, _baby_, I love the sentiment but only you can't function without anchovies on pizza."

"Hmph, I like that."

"You like what?"

"The way you just called me '_baby_'. It was cute and sexy." She leaned forward and captured Maura's lips with her own in a heated kiss. "You have no idea how bad I want you right now", she panted as she pushed the doctor back to lay on the bed, "I could kill my mother for her timing earlier."

Maura shook her head as she giggled, "Normally I would tell you not to say things like that but—", she gasped at the feeling of Jane's thigh pressing against her core. "But this time I might just volunteer to be an accomplice."

"Mmm, does that mean you want to finish what we started? Because I definitely locked the door when we came in."

"Easy tiger", Maura moaned and she used every shred of willpower to push Jane off of her and sit back up. "As fun as finishing what we started sounds, we are still in the middle of having a discussion. I want everything on the table before we take it there _and_ for you to take me on a proper date first." She watched as Jane rolled her eyes then pouted. The doctor immediately took Jane's reaction as her being mad for denying her. "Am I asking for too much", she asked while looking down at her hands nervously and started fidgeting, "If I am you can tell me. We— we can do whatever you want. Honestly, I don't want to make you wait."

Jane sat up then raised her hand to Maura's chin and tilted it up so their eyes met, "Listen to me, _never_ think you have to change your mind about something and appease me just because I have a childish moment. You could never ask for too much. I mean that, Maur. If you want to wait, we can wait. I just need you to know that when you _are_ ready, I will be too— to give what you want and need. I swear. _Whatever you desire, it's yours."_

"You've said that to me in a dream once", Maura whispered softly.

"Oh yeah", the detective's eyes shown with her peaked curiosity, "What happened after?"

"I told you that I wanted you and after that", she shuttered as the memory of the dream sent a tingle down her spine, "You made love to me on a beach. It was our first time and..."

"Pause", Jane looked down at her smugly as something clicked in her head immediately, "Are you tryna tell me that all those dreams and daydreams about beaches you've been having lately are actually about me making love to you on a beach and not some hint that you need a vacation?"

Maura blushed, "Yes— most of them. There were some that weren't on a beach but they all had _everything_ to do with us being intimate and _nothing_ to do with me needing a vacation."

"Most of them, huh? So where are the other places in your dream world where dream me has gotten to have her way with you?"

"I am not going to tell you", she pushed the detective away playfully.

"Awww come on Maur! Pleaasseeeeee?"

"Fine", she rolled her eyes and smiled in humor, "I will tell you my most recent one— in my office during work hours."

"Mmm", Jane shimmied in delight, "I can so picture me bending you over your desk— damn."

Maura cleared her throat, "Back to the topic at hand please we..."

"_Don't _need to talk about anything else", the detective interrupted then pecked Maura's lips quickly. "I mean, I think it's pretty clear what we both want Maur so can we move forward now?"

"Jane, I am being very serious here."

"Yeah, seriously annoying", the detective mumbled under her breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, babe, I'm just saying— don't over think what's happening between us, alright? Just let it happen. Let yourself fall and let yourself be loved and let yourself be taken care of. You can start by letting me take you out on a date tomorrow night. As far as the rest of the questions we have and the things we need to say, we can go over it then. Right now, I just want to hold you and enjoy the quiet before Ma starts her inevitable game of 21 questions when we go back out there. We have all the time in the world for..."

Just then, Maura's phone started ringing in her pocket. "Hold that thought." She pulled it out to see a number that wasn't programmed into her contacts. Thinking it could possibly be work related, the doctor answered without further hesitation, "This is Dr. Isles."

**_"I see Jane's already there making her move and you're foolish enough to eat up every word. I thought you much wiser, Dr. Isles. Take it from me, you can't believe a word that bitch says."_**

"What do you want?"

_**"I want you to understand just the type of woman you're dealing with when getting involved with Jane Rizzoli."**_

"I'm pretty sure I know..."

_**"You really don't, Maura. This is a simple courtesy call since she was so eager to jump in bed with you. I should have known I couldn't compete with you..."**_

"Tara, this was never a competition."

Jane's head shot up from inspecting her finger nails when she heard her exes name come from Maura's mouth. She gave the doctor a look to silently ask what was going on but Maura waved her off, "Give me a few minutes please", she whispered to Jane with her hand covering the phone.

"_Hell no!_ Why is she calling you?"

"I don't know but I intend to find out. Just give me ten minutes..."

"Ten? No way! You've got five."

"_Seven_, she really sounds upset. Please?"

Jane rolled her eyes, "Fine, but I want _every_ detail when I this is over."

**OoOoO**

"Ma?"

"Oh, hey hun, I thought you and Maura were having your talk?"

"Uh, we were until she got a phone call."

"_Well_, how's it going so far?"

"Pretty good, although now I— never mind."

Angela looked at her daughter expectantly, "_Jane_, what's the matter?"

"Really, Ma, it's cool. I'm over thinking things which is funny because I _just_ told Maura to stop doing it."

"Oh, hun, just relax alright? I'm sure everything's fine— and, sorry again for earlier."

"You were already forgiven when you started making my favorite", Jane smiled widely, "It smells like heaven in here!" She reached for the wooden spoon sitting on the counter and tried to go for a taste of pasta sauce but was immediately blocked by her mother.

"No no no! Janie, get out of my pots and out of the kitchen!"

"Awe! No fair!"

"That's life", Angela chuckled as she shooed her away, "Now out with you."

Jane glanced at her watch, "Fine. Maura's seven minutes are up anyway. I can go interrupt her phone call now."

**OoOoO**

"Mhm, goodbye." She let out an exasperated sigh as she placed her phone on the windowsill, continuing to stare out as she tried to put her thoughts in order. She had heard the detective walk in just as she was hanging up the phone but refused to turn and look at her. As the silence that blanketed the room started becoming more and more deafening, Maura could feel Jane's anxiety radiating off of her from across the room. And she knew that Jane could just as equally sense, if not feel, her complete anger.

"Maura?" Spoken with caution and so delicately that it could be a whispered plea. "Babe, what's going on? What did she..."

"When were you planning on telling me she _proposed_ to you?"

Jane sighed, "Is that what she told you?"

"Obviously, Jane, since I am asking for your clarification", Maura's voice elevated in frustration as she finally turned to face her, "_When_ were you going to tell me she propose to you?!"

"Does it really matter? I ended it with her so you and I can finally be together. Let's just forget about Tara!"

"How?! Do you have any idea what our actions— no,_ my_ actions have done? Jane, that woman is completely heartbroken and shattered and it's my fault because I..."

"Maura, stop! Do _not_ do this, okay? She can't be _that_ broken and shattered if she's the one that made me choose and she's the one that packed up her shit and left!"

"So what?! She was desperate! You confessed that you kissed another woman and she panicked! What's worse is it backfired and you didn't choose her. I'm sure it killed her pride, that's why she ran! If I were in her position I would have done the same thing."

"Oh come on", Jane couldn't hold back her indignation nor her yelling anymore, "Since when are you on team fucking Tara?!"

"All I am trying to say is that I get what she's feeling. You didn't hear her on the phone just now. I never even thought of the true implications of us being together until it came from her mouth that you chose me without even thinking about the plans the two of you had for a life together. _I_ messed that up! She's completely hurt and lost!"

"No, she's completely fucking with you because she can't get to me directly. That bitch threatened me— _me, a cop!_ She swore she'd ruin me but then she left. I knew it was only a matter of time before she started this bullshit since I blocked her number and email, and had the locks at my apartment changed."

"It's only been two days, Jane. It would be highly unlikely for her to..."

"Don't try to protect her or justify her to me. I mean, _really?! _We've worked about 100 cases that start with this same MO!"

"So?"

"_So_, think logically for a minute! You _know_ that my choice could have very well triggered something. Shit, you basically said the same thing two seconds ago!" Jane sighed as she tried to calm down enough to make her point, "Babe, just answer me this, inbetween all of her heartbroken words and probably _fake_ tears, did she say anything about things being over?"

"No."

"Did she talk about her feelings in the past tense?"

"No, but..."

"Did she keep circling back to how stupid you are for being with me?"

"Y-Yes."

"Babe, she's trying to drive a wedge so she can come in and reek havoc. As it stands, you're not Tara's enemy. In her mind, you're her equal and I'm the enemy. I'm the one that's out to hurt you both."

"But that doesn't make sense."

"It does to a woman that's been in past situations like this. I knew the risk I was taking after I learned about some of Tara's past relationships. This is my fault because part of me did lead her on. Really, I should have never gotten serious with her because I saw the signs for disaster. I need to fix this."

"And how do you suggest you go about doing that? Are you going to sleep with her again?"

"_What?!"_

"Oh, she told me that part too. About how right after you supposedly 'chose me' you _fucked_ her..."

"Maura!" She balked when hearing the curse come so harshly from the doctor's mouth. "Babe listen..."

"That was some parting gift! You get to break up with a woman, sleep with her, then come right on over to the next woman and, if not for a very untimely interruption, you would have gotten to sleep with me too! Tell me, is she right? Is _that_ what this is really about?"

"Is what— wait, hold up, you think I'm really here just to screw you?! You _cannot_ be so naive and so swayed by Tara's manipulative tactics that you believe whatever bullshit lies she fed you over the phone!"

"What's interesting to me is that you still have yet to deny those so called lies. Did she not propose to you? Did you not fuck her right after ending it? Please, set the record straight! Were you not looking at houses so you could have the space to start trying for babies after you eloped in Puerto Rico next month? Tell me!"

"Maura, you need to calm down and just listen to me. I am begging you to just hear me out..."

"In other words, _everything_ she told me is absolutely true", the blonde sneered. "Don't try to spare my feelings now, Jane, really it's insulting. And to think, just 48 hours ago you were practically crucifying me because I lied about my feelings. But here you've been lying all along as well, at least for the last 3 months you have. You are such a hypocrite! To make matters worse, I _almost_ felt no sympathy for Tara and no remorse for being the one you chose but now I feel like _shit! _You have been engaged for 3 out the 6 months you were with her and not _once _did you say anything to your so called 'best friend'. I mean, I know I kept my distance from Tara but I saw you almost every day of the week!"

"I wanted to tell you about it, but..."

"Jane, if you wanted to tell me you would have just told me! Bottomline, you didn't and you probably _never_ would have if I hadn't answered that call and heard her out. Who else knew? Did Angela know? Is that why she went straight to calling me a homewrecking tramp? She wasn't too far off now that I have all the facts. I seduced you, even if it wasn't intentional, and inturn your soon to wife got thrown out like some piece of garbage!"

"Maura..."

_"Get out!"_

Jane looked at her incredulously, "What?"

"Get. Out. _Now!_"

"This is bullshit", Jane scoffed, "I fucking left her to be with you and now what? She calls with some sob story and you take her side? You've hated her for months! You've wanted to be in her position for months! Now you have me and you're pushing me away— _again? _Is that what this really is?"

Maura looked at her with tears in her eyes, all the fight she had was gone. There was nothing but guilt and regret left in her now, "I ruined a woman's life, Jane, because I couldn't let go of some childish fantasy of having you. She has such a great love for you and now I am responsible for it being taken away! If I had just kept everything to myself like I _knew_ I should have, we wouldn't be here and Tara wouldn't be..."

_"_Goddammit, Maura! _Stop!_ Okay? _Fuck_ _Tara! _I don't want her!"

"How can you say that when..."

"We had one real conversation about marriage— _one! _Then she tried to give me a ring like a week later but I told her no because I wasn't ready for that! I mean, _really_, we had only just moved in together and _that_ was a huge leap on my part in itself!"

"But— but she said you were planning a future?"

"The _only_ plans I had with her were to maybe look into a bigger apartment because she took up so much space with all of her stuff. And to go on some couples cruise to Puerto Rico next month that _she_ wanted to go on. Whatever bullshit she fed you about eloping while there was just that— _bullshit."_

"She said you said yes and it sounded so..."

"Convincing? Yeah, vindictive and manipulative people usually do. I mean, come on, _if _I had actually said yes, then you would have seen me wearing a ring but you haven't, have you? _No,_ because I would _never_ be able to marry her! I would be settling! Don't you get that? It doesn't matter who I end up with— if it's not _you, _Maura, then it will _always_ be settling!" She took a deep breath then walked across the room to stand directly in front of the doctor. Jane leaned her forehead forward until it touched Maura's and they both closed there eyes. With a firm conviction she spoke the purest truth of both their hearts, "_You_ are my soulmate. No one else. It will _always_ be you. I will _always _choose you."

* * *

**A|N: BTW, thank you all so so soooooo much for your support on this story. In my native language I call you all "iyanu" which means "wonderful"! My heart is really overjoyed by the immense positive feedback. Oh and don't hate me but there is more Tara drama ahead— you've been warned. Seriously, I'm already mad at my proclivity to write drama, so please, no hate mail. I've already read myself, and my muse, the riot act and we will both be drama mostly free _after _the next couple chapters. See ya soon!**


	6. Love & Death

**CHAPTER VI - LOVE & DEATH**

* * *

_"You are my soulmate. No one else. It will always be you. I will always choose you."  
_

"I'm so sorry I didn't believe you", Maura whispered as she opened her eyes to peer into Jane's. "This is all just so new to me. And it feels like it's happening rather fast. I just don't know how to function with this feeling."

Jane nodded, "Okay, so help me help you. Tell me what it is you're feeling?"

"I suppose this is unbelief that I feel. I've never actually been someone's choice before when it comes to relationships. Hearing you say that felt too good to be true and then when Tara called it..."

"Made you feel like it actually was too good to be true so you lashed out?"

"Yes", she bowed her head in shame as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Jane lifted her chin and delicately kissed the tear away. "Maura, love, you have to know that you _are_ good enough to be someone's choice. You don't need to be insecure about us, alright? I made my choice and you have to trust that I won't go back on it. Jealousy and insecurity will never help us grow. When things like this happen, because I know it _will_ happen again, you just gotta remember to relax and talk through your emotions. We _both_ actually need to remember to do that. And I promise that I will if you will."

"I will", she sighed, "I know you would never do anything to hurt me, I was just so caught up in all these new emotions that I just kind of exploded. Are you angry with me?"

"Truthfully, yeah I'm a little angry. But I am also relieved to know that we can talk through this kind of stuff. Just, next time, let's not be so quick to jump to conclusions before we have talked about things. It's okay to be emotional, but you also need to be logical."

Maura chuckled at the irony, "Go figure, forever logical Dr. Maura Isles getting lectured on needing to be logical. See, this is what you do to me. You always seem to..."

"Throw you off your game? You do it to me too", Jane laughed as well. "Seriously, we'll be alright if we just remember we're more than just a team at work now. We're a team at love too."

"I like the sound of that— so, do you really think Tara will keep trying to come between us?"

"I'm counting on it. She's a woman scorned. We just have to trust each other and ignore her."

"I trust you with my life. I apologize again for being so irrational."

"And I forgive you." The detective leaned in and kissed her sweetly, "I love you, Maura. Nothing and no one can change that. Don't _ever_ think for a second otherwise, no matter what anyone may say. I'm yours and yours alone."

**OoOoO**

"Hey Ma! I came early! Where's Janie and..."

"_Ssshhh_", Angela frantically hushed her eldest son as he came into Maura's kitchen through the back door. "I think your sister and Maura are in the guest room being _intimate_", she hissed.

"Ew! What?!"

"Frankie! Hush up! I can't hear!"

The younger Rizzoli detective twisted up his face in disgust, "Ma, that's _so_ not cool. Why do you even wanna hear tha— whoa whoa whoa! Did you say Jane and _Maura?"_

_"_Yes", Angela rolled her eyes in a display that she was tired of trying to explain when she was trying to listen. "Now _zip-it",_ she demanded through clenched teeth.

Unfortunately, Frankie wasn't in the mood to fall in line with his mother's orders at the moment. This new development presented too many questions that he was instantly burning with the desire to have answers to. "Seriously, Ma, since when are they a thing? What happened to the Tara chick?"

"_Francesco Rizzoli, JR", _the Rizzoli matriarch stomped her foot in frustration as she simultaneously turned and slapped him on the back of the head.

"_Ow!"_

"Would you quit it with the questions?! I'll explain _after_ I figure out what they're doing in there!"

"Figure out what who's doing what in where?"

Angela looked to the ceiling as if beckoning to the heavens for help as she sighed in defeat, "God, you just had to give me two of them huh? Two _boys_ that don't know how to hushup and let me be. Now I know how Jane and Maura felt when I came barging in. No peace at all!" She looked to her youngest son as he stared at her in confusion; still waiting on an answer to the question he asked when he came in, "Tommy, please, you and your brother go to the..."

_**"Mmmm, Jane..."**_

All three Rizzoli's eyes widened as their heads snapped towards the direction of the guest bedroom where the sound of Maura moaning Jane's name was heard loud and clear. Even with the door closed and distance from the room to kitchen, there was no mistaking for Angela what she had thought she heard a few minutes before her sons had come into the house. _Jane and Maura are definitely being intimate. Mother of..._

"Holy shit, is that Maura", Tommy asked in a high pitched giddy voice, "Is Janie in there doing the doc?"

"_Shut up!"_ Both Frankie and Angela whispered harshly while the sounds continued to travel down the hall and into the kitchen.

**_"Yes! Right there! Oh God, baby, yes!"_**

"Wow", Tommy chuckled, "Who knew the doc was a screamer? That's so hot!"

_"Out!_" Angela demanded as she shooed her sons toward the back door. "Everyone over to the guest house _now!_"

"But Ma, you've got the oven on and..."

"Frankie, go now! It's-it's fine", Angela assured in a hurry, "I just put the lasagna in. It'll take 45 minutes at least. That should be enough time for them to finish. Now out! And _no one_ mentions what they heard _ever_, understood?"

The Rizzoli sons nodded as they rushed out with Angela following closely behind. She quickly slammed the door but not before they all heard the good doctor's desperate plea:

**_"Harder, baby, pleaasseee!"_**

**OoOoO**

"_Fuck!_ Maura you feel so good." Jane grunted as she picked up her pace with two fingers inside the blonde, pumping harder just like her new lover wanted. Their bodies glistened with sweat in the pink and orange glow of the Boston setting sun as its final rays filtered through the partly opened window curtains. So caught up in each other, neither woman heard anything going on outside the four walls of the guest bedroom. Not even the door slamming down the hall in the kitchen. Completely oblivious to the entire world as they crossed over into a new dimension.

They really were supposed to wait. Maura was serious when she had told Jane she wanted them to at least go on one date first but that idea had changed after Jane's admission. The doctor couldn't help but to kiss her with intense passion and need when Jane told her that she was hers. In Maura's heart, there was no denying she felt the same. Thus, there was no stopping herself from literally pouncing on the detective. They had started with just kissing but soon they were back in the same position they had been in out in the hallway before Angela had interrupted them earlier.

Jane had picked up the blonde and pinned her to the wall. Maura had gasped and moaned just like before as she wrapped her legs around the detective's waist. The difference this time was the way Jane easily cradled Maura's ass with one hand while she unbuttoned the doctor's blouse with the other. The blonde shrugged out of the garment and haphazardly tossed it to the floor with no care about wrinkling it. No, Maura's only concern in that moment was unhooking her bra so it could join the blouse on the floor too. Once it was, Jane moved her lips downward. Blazing a trail of kisses from Maura's jawline to her neck to the swell of her breasts.

"Yesss", Maura had sighed in ecstasy when she felt the detective's warm mouth envelop her left nipple. A masterful tongue swirled and flicked then teeth grazed, eliciting another moan before it moved on to give attention to the other.

Soon, Jane was backing them away from the wall and carrying Maura over to the bed. She laid her down gently then slithered down her body. Kissing her way to the hem of Maura's fitted pants, she paused only for a second before unzipping and pulling them away. To her surprise and delight, the doctor wore no underwear at all. She took a moment to stand and admire Maura in all her naked glory, "You're a goddess."

Maura blushed and smiled shyly, "Thank you— now get over here and join me. I _need_ you."

"Yes ma'am!" Jane had removed her own clothes with much enthusiasm then climbed back on the bed, going right back to where she had left off— kissing her way to Maura's core. She inhaled the doctor's scent and her mouth literally watered. With one more glance at Maura for permission and after hearing her words to _'take all of me'— _Jane did just that. She barried her face between the blonde's thighs and began devouring her as if it were her last meal. It took no time at all to bring Maura to climax but she was far from finished.

That's how they got to the point they were now. With Jane hovering over Maura, two digits expertly pumping in and out of the doctor with no abandon. Their panting breaths mingling together. Moans being swallowed up in deep kisses. Claw marks lining Jane's back to add to scars of old as Maura's nails clung fiercely to keep herself grounded. Love soaring so high they both felt like they were having an out of body experience but they were locked in the present. Tethered in this moment of pure ecstasy. This here— this love making, it was better than the world's strongest drug. They were hooked and nothing could keep them from this addiction.

"Baby...", Maura felt the waves of orgasm about to wash over her again as she breathed the words, "I'm about— about to... mmmm..."

Jane felt it before the doctor even spoke it. The walls of her lover tightening around her was all she needed to know what was next. "Come for me, babe", she panted as she too felt herself reaching her peak just from satisfying the gorgeous woman beneath. "Oh, fuck! Come with me!"

"Jaaneeee!"

"Mauraaa!"

The room spun slowly as their chests heaved and they both gasped for air. Jane toppling over to Maura's side and pulling her close so the blonde's ear pressed right up to hear her heartbeat. "I've got you, baby. I've got you."

**OoOoO**

They had finally emerged from the guest room right as Angela had come back into the house to remove the lasagna from the oven. The matriarch knew instantly by the goofy grins they kept giving each other that the two had indeed made love. Even if she hadn't heard Maura's cries of pleasure earlier, it was written all over their faces. She wanted to say something, but even she was a little embarrassed. Instead, she kept the conversation light and far away from the topic of their talk and what it had ultimately led to.

"Hi girls! Lasagna's ready. I just need to heat the bread in the oven for a few minutes."

"Smells wonderful, Ma. I've _definitely_ worked up an appetite", Jane announced slyly then lightly slapped Maura's ass as the doctor walked by her to grab a bottle of wine from the cooler.

Maura, in turn, let out a little giggle as she agreed, "Yes, it does smell wonderful". She pulled out a newer bottle of red wine that she knew would pare well with their dinner and set it on the counter, "Have our usual guests arrived?"

"Uh", Angela was momentarily flustered at the open flirtation she witnessed from her daughter. It wasn't because she didn't approve of this new relationship. It was simply because, of all the many women Angela had known Jane to date since she had come out in high school, the older Rizzoli had _never_ seen her daughter act that way with any of them. With Maura though, Angela quickly came to realize that everything would probably be different now. Including Jane's rules about public displays of affection. Speaking of— _Are they really making out right here in front me? Holy mother of God!_ "Well", Angela cleared her throat and started talking loudly to get their attention again, "well Tommy and Frankie are in the guesthouse moving some boxes for me but Korsak and Frost..."

"Are right here!" They heard a voice bellow from the front door after a quick knock. Korsak strolled in with Frost following right behind him. Both men looked between Jane and Maura suspiciously as they caught the look the two women gave each other. "Um", Korsak ventured to ask, "what's happening here?"

"Yeah, the two of you look— _different", _Frost chimed in.

"Manners boys, jeez", Jane chuckled, "Can we get a hello first?"

"Hello", both men said in unison then titled their heads to silently say they were waiting for whatever news was sure to come.

"No patience at all", the female detective shook her head as she wrapped her arm around Maura's waist, "I'll get straight to it then. As off about an hour ago, Maura and I are _officially _together."

"Bout damn time", Korsak genuinely smiled at them, "Congrats!"

"This is great! Does that mean you won't be going on sabbatical now Doc?"

"Barry, how did you know I was..."

"I told him before I came over here earlier", Jane admitted. "Didn't know who else to call but my partner once Cavanaugh sent me the heads up. Frost here is the reason I decided to grow some and come over here to try and get you to stay. Granted, I _was_ coming to yell at you first but then— well you know what happened."

Maura nodded with a smile, "Yes. I do know. And to answer your question, Barry, my sabbatical wouldn't go into effect until after I speak with the governor. Since so much has shifted before my meeting with him on Wednesday, I suppose I will simply request a vacation instead. That is, if Jane can get the time off as well. If not, then no, I won't be going anywhere."

Suddenly, all four of their phones went off simultaneously. "Really", Angela huffed from behind them as she just slid the Italian roll out of the oven. "It's time for dinner and you all are about to run off to catch bad guys?"

They all gave her an apologetic look as they listened to dispatch give details of the latest murder location. That looked shifted to one with confusion and horror though as they all heard dispatch give the address.

"Oh my God, Jane that's..."

"We gotta go", she cut her girlfriend off then gave Korsak a pointed look, "Any objections?"

"Nope", he answered without hesitation, "Let's go see what we've got then the lieutenant can decide whether you're benched or not. I'll fight tooth and nail for you if you want to stay on though."

"Thanks."

"Wait", Angela shouted as they all started to file out of the kitchen and head to the front door. "Why do I feel like whatever case you just got involves putting my daughter in more danger than she already is with this job?"

Jane tilted her head towards the door to silently tell Korsak and Frost to go ahead without her. When they nodded and walked out she directed her attention to Maura, "Babe, do you mind waiting for me outside? I want to drive to the scene with you. Just give me 2 minutes."

"Of course", she nodded and pecked Jane's lips before grabbing the keys to Jane's cruiser off the side table by the door and walking out.

"Jane?"

The worry in Angela's voice was evident as was the impending rant that the job was too dangerous but the detective cut her off before she could start. "Ma", she began delicately, "I'll be honest, I'm about to go out to a call for a shooting at my building. I don't know any other details except for someone is dead. I'm not sure what apartment it is or what else happened. I promise I will be _extremely_ careful, alright?"

"Do you— do you think Tara could have..."

"No, she couldn't be there. I changed my locks yesterday. And like I said, I'm not even sure if it's my apartment. Dispatch didn't give an apartment number. I'll know more when I get there. Why don't you go tell Tommy and Frankie to come over from the guesthouse and eat with you. Frankie's off today so I know he didn't get called. Spend some time with them. As soon as we clear the scene, the rest of us will be back here."

"Okay, hun. Please Janie, just be safe."

"Always, Ma." She kissed her mother's forehead then headed out the door. In the back of her mind, she was hoping this shooting was simply coincidental. Unfortunately, her gut was telling her otherwise. Jane felt whatever this case was, it would directly affect her. Judging by the way the rest of her team had looked at her when they heard where they were headed, they all felt the same thing too.

**OoOoO**

As soon as Jane and Maura arrived at the detective's apartment building, they both felt the tension in the air. Everyone on the scene seemed to be walking on eggshells and avoiding Jane's gaze. Before they could even reach the door to enter the building, Lieutenant Cavanaugh met them outside.

"Dr. Isles, I wasn't expecting you to be on scene."

"I am not yet on leave and this call seemed more personal. I would rather be here then send another examiner."

"It _is_ personal— _too personal."_ He turned his attention to Jane, "Rizzoli, how long have you been out of your apartment?"

"Since the time you and I last text at around 3:45, why?"

"Because there are three bodies inside. Two in the hallway and one in your apartment. Looks like the time of death of the one in your apartment is around that same time."

"_What?!_"

"I can't let you work this. You need to come with me to BPD and give a statement. I'll also need an alibi to..."

"Hold on", Maura spoke and looked at him incredulously, "You cannot possibly know what the time of death was until I've done a preliminary check. And I don't much like what you are insinuating right now. Just because there was a body found in her apartment doesn't mean she had anything to do with this. Of all people, it would make no sense for Jane to knowingly be a suspect and come back here. She's a homocide detective, you think she'd be stupid enough to leave a body let alone return to the scene?"

"Dr. Isles, I have to..."

"Do _nothing_ but get out of our way and let us work. If you really thought Jane was part of whatever happened up there you wouldn't have allowed dispatch to contact her. Given your presence here, you knew _before_ the calls went out that there was a body found in her apartment. And furthermore, if this call was a response to a shooting that _just _happened in the hallway, who gave authority to enter Jane's apartment and check for anything else?"

"The shooting did just happen but the responding officers smelled decomposition in the hallway and proceeded to gain entry into the two apartments on that floor. One being Detective Rizzoli's. The body was in the shower with a bullet to the head and the water running on full hot."

"I hope the officers left the water running. I'll need that temperature to accurately get a time of death as scolding hot water drastically alters decomp."

"They turned the water off."

"Looks like I'll need the water company to come out then to check the meters. _Ag__ain, _I must state that there is no way you know for sure the time of death. I suggest that until _I_ have given you an actual time of death, as the lead detective called in for this case, Detective Rizzoli should be allowed to work it. As it stands, her alibi is the Chief Medical Examiner of the Common Wealth. It doesn't get any more airtight than that, Lieutenant."

Cavanaugh knew he was beat with the way Maura raised her brow and silently dared him to go against her. "Fine", he huffed, "But I'm observing everything. Let's go."

As Cavanaugh re-entered the building, Jane held Maura back, "You know he can call the governor and get you in trouble for that right?"

"I do but obviously he doesn't", Maura shrugged nonchalantly, "And the only reason you know is because we've discussed the intricate hierarchy of my office. Now, I don't like what this case is turning into already. I _need_ you in there with me for whatever I see and I know you want to be in there too. So I did what I just did for _us._"

"Gotta say, that was pretty badass. Thanks, babe." She took a deep breath, "God, please don't let this be what I think this is."

"You're thinking that body in there is someone you know. Someone like Tara?"

"Yeah", she sighed, "You ready for this?"

"Not completely, but I am ready to clear your name with your lieutenant, so shall we?"

Jane extended her arm for Maura to walk ahead of her. They could smell the adeco before they reached Jane's apartment. Both bypassed the two bodies in the hall after Maura quickly instructed the crime scene techs to begin the preliminary checks on them while she went to check the other body. Korsak and Frost met the women at the bathroom door with Cavanaugh standing close by.

At a glance, everything in Jane's apartment seemed to be in its rightful place. She had discreetly checked the lock on her front door while in the hallway but couldn't tell if the damage there was from the responding officers breaking down the door or someone else. All that was left to see was the body behind her bathroom door.

"Why is the door closed", Jane asked, "I always leave it open. Did the officer's find it closed when they entered?"

Frost shook his head, "No, it was open. We closed it to give you a second before you go in."

"Jane", Korsak looked at her with remorse in his eyes, "It's really bad."

"I need to go in so open the door."

He did as requested. The sight before her when she entered was more than gruesome. There were really no words to describe what she was seeing. A heavy weight fell on her shoulders as her vision began to blur with tears.

"Oh God."


	7. Doppelgängers & Breakdowns

**CHAPTER VII - DOPPELGÄNGERS & BREAKDOWNS**

* * *

Maura stood in the center of autopsy as she glanced between the three bodies that lay out on her tables. She had already confirmed in her reports that the two bodies which were found in the hallway of Jane's apartment building had been completely unrelated to the body found inside the apartment bathroom. Frost had quickly backed up that claim through security footage which, when pieced together, showed the two men had been in an altercation on the street and one chased the other into the building where they both ended up opening fire on each other. Their presence on the building was completely coincidental. While that made it an open and shut case, there was still massive work to do concerning the third body. Had those men not shot at each other, it would have been possible that the team would still be oblivious to the fact that there was a dead body in Jane's apartment at all.

The doctor sighed heavily as her eyes landed on the victim in whom she still had yet to begin the autopsy. In all her time within working as the chief medical examiner, Maura had never seen a more gruesome killing. Because of the knowledge Lieutenant Cavanaugh had given about the bullet to the head and the hot water causing decomposition, she had expected the image of someone with bloating, blackened flesh from the scolding water, and a headshot. What she wasn't expected were the ligature marks, cuts, broken fingers, dislocated knees, and cracked ribs. Simply put, the victim had been tortured before receiving the fatal shot. What made it even more sickening was the fact that it was a woman and she looked too much like Jane.

In the few hours that it had been since she left the crime scene, Maura had done two autopsies and had been moving on autopilot. Now, as she looked at the third victim's battered body, reality was setting in. This was a message foreshadowing what was to come. Someone wanted Jane dead— _again. _Not just to kill her but to make her suffer immense pain. The gravity of that weighed down so heavy on Maura that she completely shattered. Tears streamed down her face as choked sobs escaped her. Her whole body trembled. Knees buckling, she crashed to the floor in a sad heap. Never had the doctor reacted to a case in such a way, but everything about this was so different. Although it hadn't even been 12 hours yet, her life had significantly changed now as well. No longer was she just Dr. Isles, best friend of Detective Rizzoli. She was simply Maura now too, girlfriend of Jane. Now someone was threatening all of that. The pain and fear felt unbearable.

When they were on the scene, Maura had stayed strong for her lover. As Jane immediately reacted with uncontrollable tears, the doctor had caught her and held her tight before she could collapse from the shock that met them. She had been the one to carry the brunt of Jane's weight when walking her out of the bathroom through the apartment then outside. It was her who finally got the detective to stop hyperventilating and then she was the one to hold back dark unruly tresses as Jane vomited while sitting on the curb by the cruiser. No one else but Maura had driven her to BPD and laid her down on the couch in the doctor's office then covered her with a throw blanket after soothing her to sleep.

Now, here Maura was, in the very next room lying on the floor releasing every emotion she had been holding inside. She knew Jane was alive and well less than 50 feet away, but it was hard not to crumble when less than 5 feet away was a woman the splitting image of the love of her life laying dead. For what reason this woman's life was taken, Maura didn't know but the entire team had agreed that it was a clear message for Jane that someone wanted to break her psychologically then physically. So far, it seemed to be working— not just on Jane but on Maura too.

She was crying so hard, the doctor hadn't even noticed Jane had entered autopsy. Nor did she hear when the detective had called her name. Her only knowledge of her no longer being the only living being in the room was when she felt the strong familiar arms of her girlfriend wrap around her. In one fluid motion, Jane had lifted her from the floor and carried her bridal style back into the office. It wasn't until Jane had placed her on the couch and held her tightly did she begin to calm.

"It's okay, Maur. I'm here. I'm right here babe. That's not me on the table. It's not me."

Those were the words she needed to hear. That was the voice that brought her back to sanity and kept her grounded. The love of her life— the woman of her dreams, in those arms is where she belonged. Everything outside the confines of her office faded away as the tears subsided and exhaustion overtook her.

**OoOoO**

"Jane? Maura?" Frost knocked softly and whispered as he entered the medical examiner's office. He found them cuddled together on the couch. Maura sleeping peacefully while Jane stroked her blonde locks and placed gentle kisses on her head.

"Hey partner", she whispered to Frost as he made his way in fully.

The concern showed on his face, "You two alright?"

"Yeah, we both just kind of broke down. I think we'll be okay though."

"Did Maura start the autopsy on Doppler Jane?"

She looked at him confused, "_Doppler Jane? _Really, _Barold?"_

"Sorry sorry", he raised his hands in surrender, "I know it's in poor taste to call her that but she really is your doppelgänger and we don't know her identity yet. The prints we took didn't hit on any database."

"Which means we need dental records or DNA", Jane sighed knowingly. "Well, I'm not sure what Maura's actually done yet. When we got here I passed out and then I woke up to her crying on the floor in there. My focus was on her, not the body on the table."

"How long has she been sleep? We really need to..."

"I am up, Barry", Maura spoke sleepily, her eyes still closed as she nuzzled Jane's neck. "The two of you are horrible at whispering."

"Sorry babe", Jane apologized immediately then kissed the doctor's temple.

"It's fine", she mumbled, "I need to get up and do the autopsy anyway. I'll have the lab run dental and DNA as soon as I can."

"Um, Maur", the detective shifted so that both she and Maura were sitting up, looking each other eye to eye, "Are you sure you should be the one to do it? I mean, when I walked in there earlier..."

"It was a temporary breakdown. I will be fine. Like you said, it's not you on the table. We both experienced a shock but now it's time to move past it. I can do this."

"I know you _can_, babe. I asked, if you _should?"_

_"_There is no one else but me who should be doing this", Maura spoke confidently. "Someone is trying to make a point and threaten your life. In the process they killed an innocent woman. I refuse to call in someone else on this. If you plan on working the case, then I plan on working it as well. That starts with doing our victim's autopsy."

Although the mini speech was good, Jane still had her reservations but she resigned in herself to not argue. Instead she simply nodded and decided to make it her business to stay with the medical examiner while she performed the autopsy. At least if anything were to happen again, like another breakdown, Jane would be right there to comfort her. "Alright, but I'm observing— and don't fight me on this", she added hastily, "I know how I reacted earlier but I'm good now too."

"Fair enough." Maura then stood and looked to Frost, "Barry, I'll try to have an ID for you as soon as possible. In the meantime, can you update Jane on what we know so far while I change into a fresh pair of scrubs?"

"Sure thing Doc", he nodded as Maura went into the private bathroom in her office to change. When the door closed, he looked to his partner with concern, "You sure you wanna watch the autopsy? I mean, you really lost it back at the scene Jane. This could really mess up your psyche. Hell, it messed most of us up when we saw her."

"I promise I'm good Frost. Like Maura said, the shock has worn off. So tell me what I missed."

"Okay, if you're sure then here's what we have so far." Frost proceeded to fill Jane in on the limited information and evidence they had found. Needless to say, Jane wasn't happy in the slightest. It was impossible to understand and terrifying to think that, at that point, the lack of evidence made Jane look even more like a suspect.

**OoOoO**

"I mean, really, how the _fuck_ is it possible she got in there without being spotted on the cameras?!"

"_Language"_, Maura admonished for what felt like the 100th time as she looked up from the victim's body to see Jane still pacing back and forth. "And I do not know how it was possible, but it seems that is what happened."

"No, no, it's fucking impossible! That building's security is part of the reason why I chose the apartment in the first place. I mean, shit, someone had to see something! There has to be some angle Frost overlooked on the damn footage."

"Jane", she sighed in annoyance, "it is highly improbable that Barry made such a mistake. He is quite good at what he does and..."

"For fucks sake, come on Maur! Someone obviously made a fucking mistake or else we'd see the motherfucking killer and our vic enter the goddamn building! This shit doesn't make sense!"

Maura slammed her gloved hand on the autopsy table in frustration. The noise from the action immediately forcing Jane to stop her pacing abruptly and look at her. "Could you _please_ watch your language?! God, I get that this case is extremely frustrating already but it does not mean that you have to keep droning on for 45 minutes straight using an expletive after every other word! It is making me highly uncomfortable in my own space and I cannot focus like this! I don't mind you venting or thinking out loud, but I _do_ mind your choice of words!"

The detective rubbed her hands over her face, inhaling deeply then let out a long exhale. "Sorry", she shook her head at her own actions as she expressed her feelings, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you hate cursing— I'm just _extremely_ confused as to how two people bypassed the cameras and got into my apartment. You know I hate not being able to piece together a puzzle and, this time, it feels fifty times worse because I really do look like the number one suspect. I'm scared— and I know that doesn't justify my language, but it's kind of hard for me to filter myself when shi...". She cleared her throat, "When _stuff_ like this is happening."

"Baby, I get that but can you at least slow down and try to think through your words before blurting them out? At least while you're in here and I am trying to find some form of evidence on the body so you _can_ start piecing together your puzzle."

"Yes, I promise I will try."

"Thank you." Maura returned her attention to the spot she had been studying on the victim's shoulder as Jane went back to thinking aloud.

"Too much of this..."

"Um", the medical examiner leaned in more closely to the body when she noticed an almost imperceptible pattern on the skin, "Jane?"

"...just doesn't feel right. I mean, even if the killer brought her in from the basement entry way there are still cameras in the stairwells and in the hallway. The cameras caught the other two dudes, so why didn't they..."

"Jane?"

"...catch my perp and vic? Then again, the could have come in through the alley in back which doesn't have cameras but the fire exit door has one inside so they'd still show up on cam. Whoever did this is obviously smart and meticulously calculated. Maybe they knew the blind spots the cameras create when they rotate— but that still doesn't..."

"Jane?"

"...explain not being seen at my apartment door. With the intricacy of the tumbler in my new locks, it would have taken even the best lock pick at least two minutes to open it. If I'm not mistaken, the camera on my floor rotates every minute and a half so they wouldn't have time to do it without being videoed for 30 seconds. Unless..."

_"Jane?!"_

The doctor's yell jolted Jane out of her open thoughts, "Huh?"

Maura let out an exasperated sigh, "Come here please. I believe I have found the answer to your question." She pulled a magnifier towards the table and positioned it over the victim's shoulder as Jane stood next to her. "There", the examiner pointed to the distinct markings that were thankfully still visible on the decomposing flesh, "What do you make of that when you consider the other markings I found in her back?"

"Is that— is that an imprint from one of those new yoga band thingies like the one you made me try the other week?"

"I am confident that that is exactly what it is. Of course, I'll need to have my techs print up a 3D replica to be 100 percent sure. If I am correct, then the bands were used to hoist the victim and pull her through a window."

"That could make sense but none of my windows were opened _and _my apartment is two stories up."

"True, however, that doesn't mean the killers didn't figure out how to pry the window open from the fire escape and then closed it back. You should check with Frost and Korsak to see if they or one of the techs saw any damage around your window frames. Like you said, the alley behind the building doesn't have a camera. Nor does the fire escape so they should be checked as well. It is possible there are tire tracks or some type of other physical evidence left there."

"You said _killers_, as in plural? You think Doppler Jane had more than one attacker?"

"_Doppler Jane? _Really? You're calling her that now too?"

"We have no ID for her and I know its weird but its also accurate", she shrugged. "Plus saying it kind of freaks me out less when I look at her. Anyway, back this whole _killers _thing, you think it's two perps?"

"I do. The tox screen hasn't come back yet but I would hypothesize that the victim was drugged in order for the suspects to capture her and get her up to your apartment unseen. With the dead weight of her semi or fully unconscious body, it would take at least two people to hoist her up the initial ladder then continue to pull up to the next landing where your apartment is. I would also hypothesize that there may have been a third accomplice to keep watch as this was done in broad daylight. Whoever did this had to know the inter workings of your apartment building. Including the fact that there are no cameras in the alley."

"Great, now we're looking for a whole team", Jane huffed. "And obviously a good team since they pulled this off."

"I suggest you start making a list of potential suspects. Possibly criminals you put away that are now free and may have a connection to each other. Those that would have a vendetta against you for arresting them."

She rolled her eyes, "Well that's gonna be a long list. I hate this. I mean, I was only out of my apartment for 3 hours tops. That means..."

"They've probably been watching you and planning this. Which also makes me think that someone may have tailed you to my house as well so that the others could pull off what they were doing at the apartment."

"I would have noticed if someone was following me, Maur", she said incredulously.

"Would you have? You said yourself that you were upset when you were coming to see me. It is plausible that, in your anger, you weren't really paying attention to your surroundings."

Jane knew she was right. There was a strong possibility that the detective had been too mad about the prospect of Maura leaving BPD that she didn't notice someone tailing her. Knowing that truth only frustated her more. She slapped her hand to her forehead hard, "Idiot Rizzoli!"

"Hey hey", Maura removed the gloves from her hands and turned to the detective fully. She then held Jane's face and pulled it down towards her to place a lingering kiss on her forehead, "None of that, okay? You are _not _an idiot. There was no way you could have known something like this was in motion. None of us could have predicted this."

"I _always _pay attention to my surroundings though. If it is true that someone's been following me then I've been failing myself _and you_."

"How are you failing me? I don't understand."

She let out a heavy sigh as she wrapped her arms tightly around Maura's waist, "Because, if it is true, that means I led the danger right to your doorstep. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. This is all just speculation as of now. We don't know if you were followed for sure. But if you were, I do know that it doesn't make me upset in anyway. My home has always been a place of safety for the both of us, because of _you. _I know you will continue to keep it that way even if these people know where we are. So stop worrying about that part. Let's focus on the evidence we do have and leave the speculation for later."

"I love you, you know that?"

"Of course", Maura leaned up and kissed her lips softly, "And I love you."

***BEEP BEEP BEEP***

"What's that?

Maura turned in Jane's arms to look at the monitor behind her, "It's the notification I set for when the lab calculates time of death. The water company was able to get a temperature reading from the meters on the water from your shower with about a 2 percent margin of error. Our equipment in the lab adds that to the temperature taken of the body on scene then cross checks decomposition acceleration rates. I had them add a third temperature reading as well of the excess water in the tub. With all of that combined we have an estimated time of death at approximately 2 hours before we were called to the scene. That's a TOD of 5:15PM."

"That's an hour and a half _after_ I left which means I'm cleared then. You and I were in bed around that time."

"Precisely. I'll send these results to your lieutenant now and provide my official statement as an alibi. And, just for good measure, I'll have my security company send the footage of when you entered and exited the house."

Jane kissed the doctor's cheek and gave her another hug, "Thanks babe, I need to head upstairs to let Korsak and Frost know." She checked her watch, "It's getting super late now too. We should head out soon. Since my place is a crime scene, I'm gonna need to stay with you."

"Of course, that's fine. Give me another hour to finish up and I'll meet you up there."

"Sounds good." Jane pecked her lips once more then left autopsy to find her partners. Having the official time of death left the detective feeling more at ease. Granted, it was horrible that someone had been killed to obviously send her a message, but at least Lieutenant Cavanaugh and the rest of BPD would stop looking at her as a suspect. Now she was determined to focus on getting justice for 'Doppler Jane' and taking down the people who were coming for her.


End file.
